I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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