So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
