I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize