i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My vagina just recognized that song.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize