I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm passing your future prison.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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