One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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