omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
