ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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