OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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