No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
how does that bad decision feel?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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