so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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