i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
