I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
