dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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