my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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