My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
