20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Alive.
So much puke
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize