I bet he comes in French.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
