getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
