Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
