I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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