who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
