I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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