put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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