I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
