My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
