My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
