Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
