I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
