Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
