Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So squirting runs in the family.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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