Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
