i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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