how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
