the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
