i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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