My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
