I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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