i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
