When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
