I swear she didn't look like that last week.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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