my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
