I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize