Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
