Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
