I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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