How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
