the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
