do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize