yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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