he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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