Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
