i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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