remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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