mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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