Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
