I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
