hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Terrible idea I love it
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
