Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
