You just made me feel so damn special
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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