college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
