i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
