Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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