Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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