Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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