Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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