I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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