Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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