then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
