4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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