there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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