It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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