ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
there is glitter all over my balls
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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